gosh the first time i cut my skin was i wanted to make a tattoo, i dont think i even did it for emotional or depressed reasons, i did it twice and remember my cuz telling my mom, i knew then i enjoyed cutting my skin and that it wasnt right or looked apon as a "sane " thing to do, so over the years ,the more events that happened over my life from loosing a child, to abuse, low self esteem, up and down weight gain, loosing a lot of people, my father dying tragically, severe PPD, clinical depression, poss bipolar, abusive relationship, has brought me back and forth this way of coping and releasing all that stuff build up i know u all know about, i hadnt done it 8 mons, i thought my meds were helping, my psyciatrist cancelled me for 1 missed appt, and i felt i was loosing it again, i Cut 3 days ago, i had been pondering and feeling that ache inside me to do it for so long, my family are all worried, no one seems to understand, they all think im tryin to die, which of course im not, they worry about my son, worry about childrens aide taking him away,i dont want that to happen, i went to the candian mental health society , and i believe i shall have a new psych dr very soon. Cutting is on my mind almost all the time, sometimes i feel i just wanna go ahead and get real crazy, end up in a mental hosp and fade away, being depressed and dark and lost sometimes feels better than thinking about being happy, ive become where i enjoy the misery, and people worrying, any attention weither negative seems better than none, im even a bit of a hypocondriac and i like the idea of having conditions and getting help medically. I wanna change how i think, i wanna enjoy my son always and try to live a happy healthy life, im in a cross road, any advice, thoughts maybe im writing this just to get this out of me....sorry for this being so long
back to old habits
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 missthangg1 |
back to old habits |
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Posts: 8 (04/12/07 23:08:07) |
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Deceased angel |
Re: back to old habits | ||
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Posts: 912 (04/13/07 12:33:55) Mod |
Hiay Im not sure what the laws are like over Canada but I dont think they can take your son off you for cutting, I know what you mean when you say sometimes negative attention is better than none. You've been through a lot, its bound to affect you. When you say your a bit of a hypocondriac, has that got anything to do with the fact that some conditions are easier to treat than others? Like treating a sore throat is a lot easier than treating depression? and maybe you wish depression was that easy? I dont know, maybe Im babbling, just a thought I had when I was reading it.
When psychiatrists cancel apointments its always hard, its only an hour to them but sometimes its our only release, you've already said you want to change the way you think, maybe your new psych dr can help you with this, just be honest with him/her. You can use this place to get out your thoughts if you want, sometimes it does help just to type everything out, Ive typed out things that havent really made much sense to me or anyone else but always feel better when its out. Anyway hope you are feeling a bit better, sorry if this response is a bit long! Gem x |
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